Life is messy at some point, it scares me.
I am afraid, of life and the future. I am so scared of how messy this life is and how it can be a lot messier than this. I don’t know if I ever believe in love. I don’t know if I ever fully trust someone. Life is getting messy at some point, and all I can do is hanging on by my self. I am so close to the edge of the cliff, that I could just fall anytime. This life is too full of sugar coating. Everything looks good and kind and precious from the outside, but it is so messy and dark and awful on the inside. And for me, who already see the dark side, I doubt my self for ever fully trust somebody. Even my closest ones are lying to each other, to my self, to themselves. I am so scared. What if everyone I know is lying behind me? What if the ones that I believe love me is lying? What if this is all just an illusion I made for my self? I don’t understand. Please, help me.